The Broken Phone

I got on a big fight that leaves my phone broken and smash.
Maybe I just over reacted, but I'm totally angry that if I don't break something I might go crazy.

Of all the things I can break, why my phone? Well, its least valuable in my hand. I cant break my MP3, I cant destroy my Lovely book collection. I cant break my mirror. So, it left me no choice, so I smash my phone on the wall. Leave it for a while then pick it up again, break it from the inside and "accidentally" throw it out side. I'm not BITTER.
That's just how it is and that what I am when I'm totally pissed. I have to break something. My phone needs to retire anyway. Its like 5 years old or older.

So for now, I have to suffer. Phone less for I don't know how long, because I AM NOT BUYING A NEW ONE.

My Dead End

I've been doing things i know will help me in the future, but i just cant bring my self to take it seriously. I know its a waste of money and time but i don't think my brain realizes this. this suck in every possible way. every corner i turn into and every idea i come up with.

it feels like I'm in a dead end. a dead end that you can never turn back and start over again. No options to take, no choices to make. just plain DEAD END. The feeling that you are so helpless that you cant even move a limb to climb up the wall because no matter how much you climb or jump you know you cant reach the top and save your self. this feeling sucks in every possible way and it sucks more when you realize the people you needed the most in times like this turn their back on you because they know you may drag them down with you. Of course I'm exaggerating, I don't have that kind friend, but sooner or later, I will. By that time I dont think I will still keep living.

I know people will say: "everything will be alright" or "don't worry, its all gonna be OK". those words are that word that people don't wanna hear when they are in this situation. Its really irritating to hear those words specially when they don't know what your going through and not understand what is it for you.

For me the words "You can make it, I know you can". Oh hell I can. I'm straggling so much to the point that I'm about to give up, you fool. I'm not as strong as you think I am. Its so frustrating hearing those words over and over again like a broken record that drives you nuts.

But anyway, life has its own roller coaster ride, but sometimes life gets too excited and over do it to the point that people has to let go.